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>>Getting the Most out of Counseling
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- Rather than "people feel," say "I feel, think,..."
such and such. The group is more interested in you than in broad generalities.
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- If someone asks you, "How do you feel about Karen?," turn
to Karen and say: "Karen, I feel you were very kind to me a minute
ago when you said....," or "I resent you right now,"
etc., rather than answering the one who asked you the question.
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- Failing to communicate what one feels - be it anger or affection
or indifference toward another is often deemed "kindness"
by society, and is often the most cruel thing we can do to another.
It is based on lying rather than paying the person the compliment
of being able to handle honest feelings. We cannot behave properly
if we have never been honestly told how others react to us. This is
your group.
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- Express them at the earliest time possible. Don’t wait for the "golden
opportunity" to start talking or getting into your feelings.
The past is important, but the present is the only dimension of time
that we live freely in - the here and now. So, be yourself. Show the
group all sides of your personality. Try to move into areas that are
emotionally uncomfortable for you, both inside and outside of group.
You grow only by going beyond the limits you have set for yourself
in the past.
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- Some group members will be ready to disclose their thoughts and
feelings, while others need more time to gain feelings of trust and
security. You cannot make yourself feel a sense of trust, so by respecting
your need to become involved when ready, you are learning self-acceptance.
If you are having a difficult time knowing how to discuss your problems,
ask the group to help you. Also, to expect yourself to be verbally
active during every session is probably unrealistic. Sometimes you
may prefer to listen and consider new dimensions of your personality.
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- Your body is a most basic aspect of yourself. It is continually
giving you messages. The open or closed position of your limbs, sweating
palms, rapid heartbeat, etc., tell you that you are afraid, angry,
irritated, wanting to be closer to a person, etc. These messages can
be noted and understood.
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- Mulling over, thinking about, choosing careful language, trying
to be polite, etc., may negate our genuineness. Try to let ideas thoughts,
and feelings convey the true you. Often the thoughts and feelings
we hold back are similar to what others in the group are experiencing.
As you talk about your concerns, the group will help you recognize
themes and patterns. With time being limited, you will be encouraged
to provide essential information without going into extensive details.
Also, remember that this is your group. If it is not moving in the
direction you would like it to, say so!
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- If between sessions you hold a conversation with anyone in which
you comment on the group or a person in it, you should report the
feelings expressed back to the group. The idea here is to speak face
to face.
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- Some of us tend to withdraw from confrontation, while others want
to fight, others want to be peacemakers, others will conform to the
prevailing view, etc. Also, pay attention to how you let others get
to know you. As you become involved in group, you will have the opportunity
to identify what you do to distance yourself from others. Group can
help you learn how to alter these behaviors and develop new ways of
fostering intimacy with others. By observing yourself and others in
this group you can come to helpful insights.
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- Good communication means trying to listen clearly to the words,
feelings, and behavior of others. Try wearing someone else’s shoes,
then, if it does not dampen spontaneity, repeat back to a person what
you thought she/he said before you answer. Clarifying with the person
is important because there is a strong tendency to read in things
that we feel, as well as to read out things that bother us. It is
important to both give and receive feedback, i.e., to share impressions,
reactions, and opinions of each other in a supportive and constructive,
yet challenging manner.
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- Speak for yourself, and ask those present what they are feeling
or thinking rather than making generalizations such as "most
men..." If you feel empathy for a person, or feel like defending
or attacking someone, speak for what you are experiencing at that
moment rather than attributing it to others.
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- The aim of an encounter is not necessarily to fight or to always
be on good terms. To know that you have been true to yourself while
meaningfully interacting with another also being true to herself/himself,
is a major goal of group experience. It can have favorable consequences
in your social relationships after this group ends.
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- Although they may seem odd at times, creative things can occur in
our awareness and consciousness. Use silence to be aware of what is
happening to you.
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- The group leaders do not expect anyone, including themselves to
follow these guidelines to the letter. They do expect group members
to point out times when guidelines are not being followed, and to
attempt to get back on track. All members of the group share the responsibility
of keeping to the guidelines, although at the beginning of group the
leaders will carry more responsibility for this. Leaders will explain
issues that are not clear, and will provide resources that may be
helpful to you as the group progresses. Your presence in the group
indicates that you are in agreement with these guidelines, and are
therefore as responsible as the leaders are for carrying them out.
Any suggestions that the leaders make are just that. You have the
power to say yes or no to them. An important aspect of what you can
learn through group will come through the way you relate to the leaders.
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- Don’t think of group as something that happens one day and then
forget about it until the next day. After the session, think over
what happened. What feelings did you feel when you talked about yourself?
You may feel depressed or happy after group. Try to figure out why
you are feeling this way. Take a few minutes to write these things
down. You may want to discuss them next group.
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| Upcoming Events |
The HelpLine will be closed for the Thanksgiving holidays from Wednesday, 11/25 through Sunday, 11/29 at 2:00 p.m.
(11/29/2009)
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